I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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