3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
