Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
