I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
