He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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