Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
