Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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