She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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