You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
