get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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