Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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