3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
try to milk me bitch
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