If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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