I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
