I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
