Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
