in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
