i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
