sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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