I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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