Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
