peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
