guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
