she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
im on a boat
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