you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
