it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
