I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
