I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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