Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
