can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
