apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
