I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
