my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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