At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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