Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
