I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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