I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
