The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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