So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
