New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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