But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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