So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
