so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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