I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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