Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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