his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Panties = found
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
