There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
