I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
