4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
