I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
