there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
