i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
