I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
