dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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