Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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