All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
