"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do herpes really smell.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
