Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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