...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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