Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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