In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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