I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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