mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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