Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
