so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
